dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
