I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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