Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
