I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
