He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
