At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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