Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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