see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
