Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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