she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
