his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
