im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to make out with him forever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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