my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
