He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize