Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
