You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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