1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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