I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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