he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
