Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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