hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
