do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
