I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
