I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
