Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
