another moral hangover. fuck.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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