Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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