I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
