I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
