If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i now understand why vodka
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up