shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying