who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need a sexual gate keeper
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When are your genitals available?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
