toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
