my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
