You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
