This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're like the curious george of whores
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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