In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
