So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
