9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
