he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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