I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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