Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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