I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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