People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
