thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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