First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
