i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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