i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
