end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
