Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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