census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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