We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
