Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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