Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
