I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
