We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
