I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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