the condom got lost in my hair
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had to cum in my sink.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize