These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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