theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
