What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
