420 ftw
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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