We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
