i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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