Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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