you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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