Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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